Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
