If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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