Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
