Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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