I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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