i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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