They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
