The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
