If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
