Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
