How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
