If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
