Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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