I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
