forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
