I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
