tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
