Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
