Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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