i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
