The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
