Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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