i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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