They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
