I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
