He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
