Pappa wants mamma naked
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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