He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
