Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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