I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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