Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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