she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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