We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Two words: nipple clamps
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