The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
