absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
