He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
