My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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