Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
