Is it because I queefed?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
