i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
