Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
