What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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