I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
