I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
