a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
