Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
