so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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