so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
