'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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