what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
