You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
