Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
