All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
