and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if only i could text you this smell
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
