take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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