I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
